Surviving or thriving - my first blog....

Surviving or thriving" is this year's theme for mental health week set by the Mental Health Foundation. Everyone experiences mental ill-health and mental wellness at points in their life. For me, thriving rather than surviving means gaining balance in different areas of my life and maximising opportunities available to me. 

_{I work in mental health care and I have personal and familial experience of mental illness. I feel, this year, more than ever, due to the inspiring stigma reduction campaigns, people are able to speak out safely about their survival experiences, and this is beneficial to enable them to thrive and share with others who may need a hopeful connection.} 

My Journey

_{This year is the 10th anniversary of my mum's death, although I have little memory of my mum being physically and mentally well, what I do remember is her positive attitude and outlook on life. I recall how this enabled her to cope at times of immense struggle, when she became very physically and mentally challenged with the disabling effects of multiple sclerosis, and how with the balance of her connections with others, friendships, work, and hobbies, she thrived in circumstances others would struggle to survive with.} 

_{In my life I have had periods of surviving and thriving. My childhood was not affluent, and at times I experienced significant trauma connected to my familiar circumstances.  This was difficult for me to manage as a child, despite some positive influences and role models}

Struggles with mental wellness

_{I enjoyed learning in school, but struggled, and at that time felt different from others, and at times I was bullied by others because of my difference, which resulted in periods of survival. I left home at 16, and worked, but didn't feel like I was sufficiently challenged or fulfilled in my job. I faced my challenges in education, I was the first person in my family to gain a degree, funding myself whilst holding down 2 jobs. In university I underwent testing and was subsequently diagnosed with both dyslexia and attention deficit disorder. I know that for some people, diagnostic labels can feel stigmatising, and can impact on their ability to thrive, however I had the opposite experience.} 

Diagnostic strength

_{My diagnosis helped me to better understand myself, to enable me to contextualise my differences, rather than perceive them as 'weaknesses' or 'failures' . My diagnosis helped me to build resilience against what had impacted upon my self-esteem, my expectations of the future, and my interaction with others.}

_{In gaining my diagnoses, I was not only able to understand and find different strategies to cope with academia, but also understand the other associated difficulties that can come along with these, including coordination difficulties (which affects my ability to drive, and at times means I'm clumsy), my busy mind (which I found was easier to manage in some circumstances rather than others), and also my confidence to admit my difference to others, which has been met at times with misunderstanding, at times with stigma and prejudice, and at times with support and kindness. In summary - for me, my diagnosis was important to understand and accept myself, and key to building resilience and thriving in my academic, professional, and personal life.} 

Self compassion and thriving in extremes

_{Although the contact with formal support services has contributed to my survival through difficult times, by far the most important factor was the shift in my perception of myself and my ability to thrive, and the actions I took to change my position.} 

_{I have had ups and downs in my life since then, but less extreme. I know I tend towards disorder rather than order, I work too long hours, I read and study a lot, and I do not have as much self-care time as I should, but my current aim is to address this and gain balance.} 

_{The last month has been really positive for me, I gained my Doctorate, I have different opportunities at work, I am trying to get fitter, lose weight, and spend more time with friends rather than working. I have completed a couple of fundraising events which have helped me with both of these things.} 

_{Last week I presented at a conference concerning some of the amazing work that my Trust has achieved. In my youth, my survival instinct would have meant I would have avoided this type of attention, for fear of criticism and ridicule. However, with age, effort, and self-belief, I was initially daunted by the 4000+ people in attendance, as I walked in with my little poster tube, but I quickly got chatting with people from our wonderful health care system and people from different countries. I, as Dr Jude, was thriving!}

_{At the same conference, I was privileged to see Ranulph Fiennes speak about leadership. What I took from his talk concerned the impact of personal motivation (with a little rebellion), which appeared a key factor for him in terms of thriving rather than just surviving. I appreciate that his outlook is not for all, but for me he reinforced how a positive and determined outlook can enable you overcome the challenges of difference and past trauma.} 

_{I don't consider my survival journey as anything so exciting as 'The Worlds Greatest Explorer' or anything as physically challenging as my mum's battle with MS, however in my own way, I have survived mental and physical problems and found a way to thrive.} 

_{Through my work in a great mental health and community NHS Trust, I am privileged to see and work with people in different phases of wellness and illness. One of the most important things I have learned is how important perception is, concerning how we build ourselves, but also in how we compare ourselves with others.}

_{I recently had contact from a person I hadn't seen for over 20 years. She only concentrated on who I am now, voicing the perception that I had a privileged start and suggesting that 'money and happiness' affected why I'd achieved. I'm not one to talk about my upbringing much, which is connected with many things. However, through this conversation, I felt it was important for me to write this blog, because that old friend perceived my achievements came from privilege, which she then placed as a mental barrier about what she may achieve. I'm sure that if others told their story, maybe people would stop seeing mental ill-health as something a 'type' of person has, begin saying "if they can, I can" and see that just perceiving other's success as a mirror to your lack of success doesn't help you, it just provides an excuse to say why you can't, rather than what you'll try... here's to surviving the hard times and thriving in the rest!}

Finish with a smile

_{My blog ends with a smile and a request. If you are with someone who isn't smiling, it's your privilege to start the conversation, you could be the person that helps them survive or thrive. Secondly, when you see someone smiling, whether it is a mask for survival or a heart-warming emblem that they are thriving, be infected by that, try not to be sceptical or critical, there is most likely a survival journey behind that smile that is better for knowing!}

Dr Judith Graham

I am an Advanced Nurse Consultant, Psychotherapy Consultant and Listening into Action Lead at RDaSH NHS Foundation Trust. My role includes the provision of specialist clinical assessment and treatment for adults and older adults who have mental health problems, people with mental health and learning disabilities, and also people with alcohol and drug misuse problems. I am an Independent Prescriber, and specialist assessor for Autistic Spectrum Conditions. I have worked in the NHS for over 12 years and awarded the title of Queen’s Nurse in 2015. I have been published in scholarly heath journals, and presented at national and international conferences on mental health issues, personality disorder, complex trauma, prescribing ethics and also systems leadership. My current work role includes research and development, particularly related to service and organisational change and its effect on service users, carers and professionals. I am an elected board member with the NHS Confederation’s Mental Health Network Board and I am passionate about patient / service user and professional education, I have lectured at several universities on various mental health topics.